discolicious (discolicious) wrote in bobaslashhan,
discolicious
discolicious
bobaslashhan

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It's all been a huge mistake

Title: Mistake
Word Count: 817
Summary: Boba rants about himself, his life, his everything to an unresponsive Han.
Rating: PG
Note: It’s a ramble fic! Rambling, nonsensical crap. But it made me happy to write.
Disclaimer: No own.

“I made a huge mistake you know. It’s one thing to love someone so much you don’t have any idea how to express yourself, but its another thing to do what I’ve done. Maybe it’s my blood that made me do what I did. I inherited that spark that makes it so hard to rationalize anything involving my emotions. Sometimes I think I’m doing the right thing, and other times, I’m just not sure. It’s those times I do these insane things that end up ripping me apart inside.

“You know, I’m not really a bad person. Well, I don’t think I am. Sure the Rebel Alliance wants me dead, but it’s not really because of who I am inside. I’m a bounty hunter. I do what I’m paid to do. Like my father, I only kill those others tell me need to die. I mean, my father was killed by a Jedi for God’s sake. He wasn’t an evil person. If the Republic had hired him, he would be a hero and he would be alive. If you rebels hired me to take out Vader’s men, we wouldn’t be in this situation.

“I guess it doesn’t matter. If you could just tell me you understand…” Fett trailed off and gazed up at Solo who remained still and silent.

The two figures stood across from each other, but neither moved; neither spoke.

With a choked sigh, Fett continued, “But you won’t. You won’t understand because that’s just how you are. I know more about you than you think. You’ve fascinated me for so long now, and I supposed in the beginning I obsessed over you. We’re so similar, but look how differently people view us. Neither of us follow the conventional rules. We’re free spirits. Solo, you are no better than I. You’re a smuggler, and the jobs you contract hurt people just as my profession does. You steal from criminals, and I kill them. Occasionally I’ve had to hunt those who I feel don’t deserve to die, but what can I do? Sacrifice myself for someone who will never even know it? No.

“I’d like to be known just once. I want someone to know me for who I am, and to love me for who I am. I don’t want to be feared and hated by everyone simply because of my reputation. It’s so hard to pity creatures when no one has ever pitied me. When I know there’s no one to praise the good I am capable, I suppose I’m less eager to try and prove that I am indeed capable of empathy. Does that make me childish?”

Solo’s eyes were cold and hard. They gave nothing away as the shrouded bounty hunter stared into them.

“You’re right. It is childish. Does that mean looking out for yourself is childish? No one has looked out for me since my father died. This ‘good’ you act like you believe in took away the only person who ever cared about me. I’ve become this muddle of emotions and death because of this ‘good’. So why do the Jedi and the rebels get to be the good guys? I clean the galaxy of scum; murderers, rapists, con-artists. What do the ‘good’ guys do? They tear up families without questioning why. And they have a choice! I can’t choose to stop once I’ve begun my job.

“I’m rambling. I guess I just want to get everything out. Selfish, yes. But maybe if you hear everything that’s been bursting to be released, you won’t judge me so harshly.”

Fett rested his head gently against Solo’s chest. Solo, however, continued to stare forward.

“Alright, I suppose the only thing I really needed to tell you was I’m sorry. This whole thing has been a huge mistake. It kills me, and I need you to know that. I love you Han Solo, even though it may not seem like it. To me, you are the image of everything I’ve ever wanted. I’ve tried to justify myself to many people, and I admit, I’ve been trying to justify myself to you. But I don’t need to. I love you and that’s that.”

Nothing.

“I’d love for you to say it’s all ok and that you love me too, but you never will. In fact, to you, this conversation never happened. It’s better that way. It doesn’t change what I’ve said, but in the end, it’s better that way.”

Boba stole one last glance at Solo and crept off, barely breathing.

“Oh Han, what have you done?” The hidden princess removed herself from the shadows and took the Boushh mask off of her head. “You knew he loved you, and you let this happen. I know I’ll hate myself for doing this, but it’s time to wake up.”

Solo’s face, frozen in a state of agony, showed no signs of comprehension or relief.

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Hey, I said lil'.

...And I'm trying to tidy up my late Christmas present.
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