A collection of short “discovered” stories
(All stories PG for mild swearing and such. All stories also needlessly silly.)
Han Solo sat with his legs crossed and his arms primly folded across his lap. The palace gardens of New Alderaan spread out before him. Various shades of green danced with shadows as the sun began its decline. He closed his eyes and listened halfheartedly to the excited screams and giggles of Jaina and Jacen. He loved his children, he loved Leia, and he loved his family. There was only one thing he loved more.
“Han, why are you out here in this disgusting, flower-filled hell hole?” The great bounty hunter, Boba Fett, stood behind Han, removed his helmet and pouted.
“Oh come on love, I’m here with the family. Can’t you wait for me? We were going to meet tomorrow on Coruscant and I was going to take you for a wild night on Tatooine.” Han looked up at Fett and winked.
“No. I can’t wait.” Fett rounded the chair where Han sat.
He lunged at the other man, knocking him to the ground. They tumbled and rolled until they lay on the grass, Han pinned to the ground underneath Boba. Fett let out a small growl before he brought his lips to Han’s. They lay locked in a passionate kiss for several minutes before the shrill, frightened voice of Jaina pierced the silence.
“I’m telling mommy on you!”
Han woke up, naked in the arms of his lover. Keeping his eyes shut, he yawned and stretched, nuzzling his head into the crook of Boba Fett’s neck. He ran his hand up his lover’s stomach and around his neck. He went to run his fingers along the bounty hunter’s cheek, but they contacted the cold, metal mask of his armor. Han giggled and crawled on top of Fett, who woke up with a start.
He groaned and muttered, “Mornin’ Solo.”
“Good morning.” Han placed a gentle kiss on the forehead of Fett’s mask. “Why are you still wearing that thing?”
”You don’t remember last night?”
Han frowned and shook his head.
Boba said nothing more. He lifted up his helmet so he could kiss Solo, and left the matter at that.
Han flew the Millennium Falcon to the City of Glowing Crystal on Berchest. He was meeting up with his wife, her brother, and her brother’s fiancé. They were meeting at a hotel to plan the day. Han was grateful for the opportunity to shower before spending the day with his wife.
He checked into the hotel and skimmed his way through the greetings and pleasantries of family. Zooming into the shower, he disrobed and started to scrub away. The door creaked open and Leia walked in with a devious smile.
“Hey gorgeous. You’ve been quite a stranger lately. What have you been up to-" She stopped suddenly as she gazed in disbelief at Han’s body.
All Luke and Mara-Jade could here was the princess’s enraged scream of, “Why the hell do you have ‘Property of Boba Fett’ tattooed on your ass?!”
Boba Fett moaned loudly as Han Solo ran his tongue over his collar bone. Han giggled and motioned for Fett to be quite. The rest of the crew was in the upper levels of the Falcon. Fett had “accidentally” been captured by Solo and thrown into the detention cell, which was “coincidentally” equipped with a double sized bed. Now, shagging someone in your ship’s prison cell while your girlfriend is asleep on the level above you is usually a risky procedure. Han, however, was too full of himself to admit that there was a large chance he would be caught. Had he acknowledge this, then perhaps he wouldn’t have been caught.
But of course, it was Han. He was caught.
A loud clearing of the throat jarred the two men out of their preoccupations. Han looked up and straight into the eyes of his crew. Leia, Chewbacca, and Luke Skywalker all stood, shocked, with their mouths hanging open.
“Uh, oh…God…no!” Han cried out in mock despair. “He’s, uh, trying to kill me!”
“Leia, quick, we have to save him!” Luke cried, hand flying to his lightsaber.
“No you idiot. Fett isn’t killing him.” Leia growled. She placed her hands on her hips, glaring at them through the blue glow of the shield that kept Han and Boba safe from her.
“Oh.” Luke looked disappointed. “Well, what are they doing?”
Leia whispered something in Luke’s ear. Chewie grunted. Luke cried.
A bounty hunter and a smuggler crept into the large bar on Lesbos. Intelligence had suggested that one of the women who frequented this bar had secrets vital to fall of the empire. However, on the planet Lesbos, men were not allowed. Princess Leia had gone to extreme measures to hide their away team’s maleness.
“I look like a fucking poof.” Boba Fett growled.
“Well, Boba, you insisted on keeping your armor on, and that armor is very masculine. So, we had to dress you up a bit.” Han stated, shaking his head of long, blonde hair.
”Alright. But did you have to write ‘Dirty Girl’ on my…” Boba pointed.
Boba mumbled and looked around the bar.
“Let’s go in the bathroom. It’s quieter there, so we can talk. Also, I hear that’s where most of the dealings occur in the female world.” Han dragged the reluctant hunter with him.
Once in the bathroom, Boba hopped up on the counter and took off his helmet. Thankfully, Leia had the foresight to give him a lovely makeover incase he decided to remove his mask. Han giggled at the bright pink lipstick Fett wore.
”Shut up.” He growled. “You don’t look any better.”
They began to discuss plans on how to find the woman they were in search of, when someone entered the bathroom. Han yelped. The footsteps of someone in high heels grew closer. The two men looked around wildly, trying to think of a quick plan. The woman rounded the corner just as the most brilliant idea struck Han. He leaned forward and took Boba’s mouth to his own. They kissed with an incredible fervor. The woman looked at the couple and passed them on without a second glance.
Han pulled back, grinning, and said, “I’m a genius, no?”
Boba was stunned.
“Oh, hey, no, it’s ok, ‘cause I’m not really a girl!” Han patted his stuffed bra for emphasis.
”Yeah, Han…” Boba spoke very deliberately. “Neither. Am. I.”
“Oh.” Han sniffed. “Don’t tell Leia.”
Then they had a crazy make-out party right there on the bathroom counter